Lockdown blues

Be thankful I didn't write this this morning - I woke up with a large dose of lockdown blues (if this blog had a facility to have sound I'd add harmonica at this point.  In fact, it probably does have that function, I'm just too much of a technotwerp to figure it out.  Where's a teenager when you need one?).  Guess it had to happen at some point, and 4 weeks in isn't too bad (or is it 5 weeks?)  Probably not helped by two large rum and tonics last night and staying up late talking to Charlie about the futility of life without a purpose and whether we'll ever be able to travel again anywhere ever. There was a small high point in our discussion when we found out that friends in Spain have, yesterday, been allowed to take their kids outside for an hour (woo! first time in 6 weeks) - this is a positive sign that things are improving, and might mean we could finally get to our boat.  Charlie is all in favour of heading out to Spain as soon as we possibly can, so he can start being Captain Daddy as planned.  But I am feeling uncharacteristically pessimistic about it all. What's the point in going if all the quirky cafes and quaint old buildings are closed and we can't explore the secluded bays an beaches. What happens if it all totally shuts down again?  So, I was wondering if maybe we should just postpone the whole trip for a year, as our friends have postponed their wedding, on the basis that a decision, even if not the outcome that we wanted, is better than being in limbo as we currently are?  At least then I could go back to work and feel useful.  Charlie was less keen on this idea as a) it would mean being further away from our adventure and b) if I went back to work he'd have to look after the boys on his own.  I'd like to say a) was the greater influence on his thinking but I'm not entirely convinced...

So, after all that, we went to bed feeling grumpy and tired and disillusioned and impotent (hmm, possibly not the best adjective to use in the same sentence talking about going to bed?  I meant in terms of not being masters of our own destiny as we are waiting on other people's decisions, obvs)  But I've been for a run in the sunshine now (current favourite soundtrack is Christine and the Queens, but the French versions, not the English ones, as it makes me feel much more cultured - I'm not really that cultured though as I spent the whole run daydreaming about being a Musketeer - 3 series (I refuse to call them seasons) on iPlayer - you can thank me later).  Feeling much better now - who says I have no purpose in life?  I just built the Spinjitzu Monastery out of a cereal box for a delighted 5 year old.  (He did point out that it ought to be red and black, not red and purple - I told him he should take it up with Kellogs)  I was due a parenting win though - last week Roo and I were learning about codes and ciphers in school - he was being mighty annoying so I wrote him a code that said 'it's no fun doing school with you if you don't concentrate'.  So then he wrote a message back to me in code that said 'I love you'.  I felt really bad :(  Actually, he's been lovely this week - I've been reading them Winnie the Pooh, and was totally unprepared for the last chapter, where the animals are aware that Christopher Robin is going away for some unspecified reason (going to school?  growing up?), so they make him a poem and say goodbye and - well, that's as far as I got before I couldn't read anymore - the tears were streaming down my face and I was sobbing - Kit asked me if I was 'happy sad' or 'sad sad' and Roo said 'it's alright mummy, I'll read the rest' - so I cried some more at that point as Christopher Robin takes Pooh to an enchanted place in the forest and explains that he'll always be with him even if he's not actually there.  Took me all day to recover!  

Happily, Charlie is also feeling refreshed and motivated - you can tell this as we have hardly seen him the last 3 days.  Instead he has been mostly...videoing himself in the garden with a selfie stick - yes, you read that right, he has bought a selfie stick.  But, it's all in a good cause.  He's been thinking about how to reach a wider audience with his pilates teaching for years, and wondering about putting classes online, but he's never had the time - not an excuse anymore.  So, he's recorded, and edited, his first lesson and it's on YouTube now - go there and like it/subscribe and give him feedback (do you like his trousers?  can you hear and follow the instructions? should he do the whole thing in lycra? more/less banter?). The first lesson's not very exciting - lots of small movements and breathing - but it's important to get the basics right so you don't hurt yourselves.  After he posted the video yesterday we had hourly updates about how many likes/views/subscribers he's got - edge of the seat stuff, I'm telling you.

What else have we been up to?  We felled a couple of trees, had a couple of BBQs and a takeaway (cause of excitement in this house - I'm in charge of rations and hate waste so we're never allowed takeaway unless there's nothing else to eat - yesterday there was only BBQ left overs for dinner and we'd already had that for lunch and dinner the night before, so I relented, much to everyone else's delight).  No more Dead Things to report on this week either.  

I might go and have a cup of tea now.  As ever, do let us know how you're getting on.  No one's been brave enough to use the comments yet - go on, you know you want to...

Hx

PS how could I forget?! I've got lockdown hair - I joined in with the communal hair dyeing project and now I look like the woman from Roxette....still wondering if that's a good thing or not...